in the balance

 

During the days of M's hospitalisation; not quite two weeks, thankfully, I was subject to fear of the most extreme character. I worked and slept, received and made telephone calls. I could barely eat; my body was rigid with anxiety. These two grid drawings, entitled 'in the balance', were made whilst I awaited news of M's condition. The act of drawing calmed and engaged my mind in a manner that was most beneficial. I have since understood that I was using the measured process of making the grid drawings in much the same fashion as I did when I first began to make them; on the occasion of my mother's hospitalisation five years ago.

These two drawings marked the cessation of work for a while; on M's return from hospital, and in the days immediately after his discharge, my entire concern was for his welfare-no drawings were made.

I have since resumed work upon these subtle, idiosyncratic drawings; have resumed my practice of working in long series, and titles for these series spring unbidden to mind. Thus far I have completed 'hitherto', 'henceforth'( for Minos), 'hereafter'( for Silas), 'be that as it may', 'en plein air', and am working on 'in the groove'. I have changed the format slightly, beginning the drawing eight squares from the top of the page instead of, as formerly, ten squares. 

It is with a sense of profound relief that I work each day at these drawings, with the advent of summer and M's gradual return to health, the palette of colours that I choose has lightened, and 'sweetened', containing as it does , pale rose pink, an equally pale soft green and blue, lilac, light coffee colour, amongst others.' In the balance' has deep blues and black, with some neon orange; the colours of a street at night in the winter time. 

It gives me joy to write of M's recovery, to witness each day his ability to achieve a little more, even though our experience of Covid 19 has had an effect of the most far reaching nature.